Epic Rap Battles of Programming: Java vs. Go

Does anyone still remember Epic Rap Battles of History? If not, I’m probably getting too old for this social media thing. In any case, feel free to have a watch - many of those are super hilarious even to this day.

So, in typical ERBH style, I thought I could put two heavyweight programming languages on the battle stage for some geeky fun. While I am definitely not a poetry writer, let alone a rap song writer, I asked my good friend ChatGPT to do this job for me. I think it did a pretty good job. If you’d like to see other battles like this one, drop me a comment below, and we’ll melee two other programming opponents.

Without further ado, please welcome java and Go on the stage:

Java: Yo, I’m the OG of coding, been around since ‘95
I’m the king of the throne, the boss of all things
I’m versatile and powerful, with an extensive library
I’m the one you need to get the job done properly

Go: Oh please, you’re outdated and slow
I’m the new kid on the block, with a fresh flow
I’m faster and lighter, with a clean syntax
I’m the one to choose when you want to get complex.

Java: You may be fast, but I’m tried and true
I’m the language of choice for many top companies, who
trust in my ability to handle their workload
I’m the one they turn to when they need to be bold

Go: That may be true, but I’m the future, you’re the past
I’m the language that’s gaining popularity fast
I may be young, but I’m full of potential
I’m the one to choose when you want to be essential

Java: You may have potential, but I’ve been here for years
I’ve been tested and proven, with no room for tears
I may not be the newest, but I’m still the best
I’m the language to choose when you want to impress

Go: You may have been here for years, but times have changed
I’m the language that’s making waves, rearranged
I may be young, but I’m ready to shine
I’m the language to choose when you want to define

The crowd erupts in cheers, as the rap battle ends
Both Java and Go have made their points and trends
In the end, it’s up to the coder to decide
Which language they want to use, and to whom they’ll confide.

Liked it? Want to see two other programming opponents in a rap battle? Drop me a comment below 👇